Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The uberlube is also flammable
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
