peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
