and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
