Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
