I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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