Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
