He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
birth control should be required to get into college
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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