do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
