I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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