if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
