Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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