I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
