I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
