So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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