Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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