if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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