Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
