i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
