I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
