I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
