I wanna bring you to show and tell
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
