You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the raccoons are back...
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