So drunk its hurt
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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