I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
