I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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