thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
