awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
