Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
