Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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