i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
