My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
