The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
