cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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