I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
