Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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