You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
