i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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