dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the day after is always just damage control
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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