you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
