How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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