I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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