It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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