Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
