All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
