pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
