I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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