Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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