do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
