i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
