I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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