24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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